What’s Happening at The Green Man

" I can resist anything except temptation"

Oscar Wilde

HOWARD’S DIARY

Since Nui is a bit busy, so I am putting finger to key to keep you in touch with what’s happening at The Green Man

Sunday 27^th May

It was a fun filled day, the climax of which was the McLaren 1, 2 at Monaco. I was pleased to win with Hamilton, and Pixie got the same payout on tail enders as usual. We also tried a new cocktail called a Bentley which I recommend to your most serious consideration.

Monday 28th

What a wonderful wine tasting it was. Baz had contributed a Yering Station Pinot Noir Rosé 2006 which was stunning. It’s more like a light Pinot than a rosé really – but I suppose that’s what it is. And Steve provided a Château Ksara
Cabernet Sauvignon 2003 which was magnificent. Ali’s Dôle du Valais 2002 was also incredible. I remember that when it was younger, and it has aged beautifully. The next tasting on 12^th June will be Bordeaux blends (white and red). Participants please contribute your wines by 11^th at The Green Man.

Tuesday 29^th

Quiet in the pub, but for those who stayed late there was a wonderful party atmosphere with multiple jammers.

Wednesday 30^th

A little busier, but still quiet

Thursday 31^st May

Twas the day of the Staff Outing, and very jolly it was too! The whisky in the bus in the early morning was a great treat as most discovered. The main recreation was Synchronised Screaming, proper for a wide range of activities from driving around corners, addressing anyone with a microphone, or viewing my arbor vitae, when inadvertently displayed from swimming trunks recently sent out by Nui to be shrunk. She does that with all my clothes. I am starting to feel like those old boys at Henley dressed in their time-shrunk school and university blazers and caps.

The lodge is excellent, with lots of lovely details, and a great variety of it in fruit. Vikki seems to have suffered no ill effects from consuming them. Lunch was lovely, but largely vegetarian, which is wind inspiring; years in Inja taught me - always stay upwind of vegetarians. Nui and Vikki learned it in Phang Nga.

The Trek to the Waterfall was rather longer than the advertised 500 metres, and I was chastised for getting old. I am not old; only my knees are. It’s so unfair to be aging by organs.

Then it was White Knuckle Rafting. We all dressed in SS Helmets and Lifeboat Jackets and headed for our Commando Inflatables. The event was cheery with synchronized screaming at full tilt, not all for Sir Martin Wagstaff. I believe those boat boys deliberately rammed us into hard objects. For the nicer but shorter part of the expedition our dinghy was pointing down river. Anyway after that we headed back for Team Building exercises. I love team building exercises; I can watch them all day with only a cold beer for company. These involved lots of squatting and rising, not great on mature knees, so I did not interfere with the exercises or I would have slowed the whole thing up. The activators were excellent I must say. Then it was prize giving and speeches and whisky and the camp-fire. Wonderful stuff! Nui lost at cards. Now Vikki has to go without dinner for a week.

Friday 1^st June

It was not as good on Friday morning. The whisky seemed to have been a regrettable idea then, over congealed eggs and cold chicken sausages. And so we drove back to The Green Man where we opened for Curry, and quite a nice evening it was too. Trev came and livened things up.

Saturday 2nd

I had largely recovered by Saturday morning. We went to the Hilton for the Phuket Academy of Dance annual Jamboree. And how good it was! It is cruel to pick favourites of course, so that’s what I shall do. Well Nui said Jimmy was excellent of course (there is something going on between those two). Vikki reckons Zac was the best, and not only because he is the only boy at BIS who is taller than she. And Maxine was magnificent. I loved the High Steppers particularly, and the Tiny Kids, and….. well it was all great really, and the Hilton put us on an excellent Howard-friendly buffet. And all for Baht 500 – well do not miss it next year. The Green Man did remarkably well in our absence, since all our customers were at the Hilton with us, except those who stayed to see England play valiantly to defeat at the hands of the Boks, France put up a good show for once, but not enough to beat the Kiwis, and the Taffs go down to the Wallabies without even troubling the scorer. Hey Ho!

Sunday 3^rd

A busy lunch, and quite a nice gentle evening. Godfrey and Maxine came by for a lunch en-route to the airport. It seems incredible that they have left. Quiz Nights will not be the same without I Don’t Mind If I Do. But they tempered the loss with a bottle of McGuigan Personal Reserve Hunter Valley Shiraz 2003 which was very well received. How long before they are back? The clever money is on 4 months.

Monday 4^th

It was rather quiet, and we remembered we were in the Green Season.

Tuesday 5^th

Had an email from Fernand who is still alive and complaining. So that’s OK. We tasted my leading edge recipe aged beef steaks in an attempt to cook the best steaks in Thailand. I did not quite succeed. The aging was a great success, but it was a little lacking in succulence. The Thai French was about as good as the Imported Victoria Steak, so it is worth persevering. I shall try again in the near future. Let me know if you are interested. Anyway, it was a great evening, Alex brought cigars, and much wine was consumed.

Wednesday 6^th

It was a late afternoon tasting day for the Chaine, so I retired quite early.

Thursday 7^th

It was the quiz night and Barclays Boys roared back to a success, but failed on the Table Round. The Landlord’s Question was not won, so next week it’s Baht 14,000!!! The question this week was John Lennon’s son Julian, took his parents’ separation very hard, and Paul McCartney wrote the tune “Hey Jude”, which was originally “Hey Jules”, to cheer Julian up. But who was the Jude chosen as the surrogate name when the song was published?

Friday 8^th

We went to Royale Nam Tok with the Chaine, and lovely it was too.

Saturday 9^th

Well, the rugby was a bit predictable finally, but Samoa did have a nice go at the Boks in the second half, and Oz looked unconvincing in beating Fiji, and France decided not to turn up against the All Blacks. But it was all good fun, and Hamilton qualified in pole in the FI. Curry Night went very well indeed. The new connection Box works very well, and the TV no longer cuts out whenever the band walks on the stage, which had started to be a problem.

Sunday 10^th

One of the nicest Sundays ever. Well, not only was the pub at that happy medium between Hubbub and Panic, not only was the Chicken Cassoulet great and the lamb sublime, but was that or was that not The Best F1 Ever? Fairytale-like Hamilton sailed through adversity to a very British victory, while Alonso buckled in a Dago-ish manner, Massa was disqualified for cheating (Ferrari has got away with that for much too long), along with poor Fizzy, Sato drove the race of his life, pipping that McLaren traitor Räikkönen at the end, and the Magnetic Wall took an unusual toll leaving only 12 finishers. Just “Wow”. The lateness of the hour also took its toll on our audience at TGM, so there were only 10 diehard followers at TGM by the end. Anyway, next week at Indy Hamilton has the chance to show he is the best by stretching the 10 point lead he now has over Alonso (who only thought he was the best) in the Championship stakes. The timing will be awful again – these Americans have no idea how tiresome are their time-zones. But with this standard of racing, maybe more of us at least will make it to the close.

Monday 11th 

The wine tasting was Bordeaux grapes and wines. The St. Emilion Grand Cru was disappointing, and an Ozzie won! Nice party afterwards - the pub was really quite busy for this time of year. England finally broke West Indies' resistance on the final day at Old Trafford as Steve Harmison and Monty Panesar bowled them to a 60-run series-clinching victory. However, one of Shivnarine Chanderpaul's finest Test centuries kept his team alive into the second session, until Harmison claimed two wickets in an over and Panesar finished the match by claiming his first ten-wicket haul in Tests

Tuesday

A quiet day. Not quite as quiet as last week, but an early night.

And so to next week.

Wednesday

16:30 it's NRL State of Origin NSW v Queensland. And Free Wine Tasting. Come along tomorrow evening and sample with us some of the wines we are considering for next season, but please let me know if you are coming.

Thursday

Quiz Night, with the Landlord's Question standing at Baht 14,000!!! I am not sure I can afford to lose.

Friday

Curry Night, and at 16:30 it's Cricket with the 4th Test  Day 1 England v West Indies. You can celebrate with England's National Dish.

Saturday

14:20 its Rugby with New Zealand v Canada. At 16:30 its Cricket with 4th Test Day 2 England v West Indies, and at 19:00 the Tri-Nations starts with South Africa v Australia at Newlands. That will be big, and my money is on the Boks. Bets anyone? 23:50 it's Formula 1 Qualifying. And if the lady would rather dance than watch men in short shorts and fast cars, there is Jasmine and the band inside from 8 til late. Smirnoff Vodka and Gordon's Gin 2 for 1 all day

Sunday

It's the great Green Man Sunday Roast where kids still eat for free. Jasmine and the band in the evening. 16:30 it's
Cricket, 4th Test Day 3 England v West Indies, and at 23:30 we are on for the F1 Indy Grand Prix

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A new local resident called Mike wanted a pet. So he went to the pet shop in Phuket Town and explained that he wanted an unusual pet. The pet shop owner offered him a red ant colony, which properly applied is as effective as Viagra, and cheaper. Mike explained he was bored with sex and just wanted a pet.

After some discussion, Mike finally bought a centipede for 500 Baht which included the little white tissue box that was his house. If the pet shop owner was sad to lose his rare Black Siamese Centipede, he disguised it well. Mike took the box back home, found it a good location near a fan, and named his new pet Takhap. He decided he would start off by taking Takhap to the pub to have a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go down The Green Man with me and have a John Smith's?"

But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, “Takhap, how about going to the pub for a drink?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against Takhap.s house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to The Green Man and have a drink with me?"

A little voice came out of the box:...........

WAIT FOR IT!

 "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my f***ing shoes on."

Howard

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